Lost in Silence
by Psalm23.6
Summary: This story begins just as Emma disappears. It is the reactions of those she holds dear and how they go about finding her again, now as their Dark Swan. Against this backdrop each character is developed uniquely as they change with the reality of the new Dark One and her consequences on their lives.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Thank you for selecting this story of mine. Please be aware that thought this has been read through for editing purposes, there might be a problem with the tenses. If you see any errors, with tenses or otherwise, please say so in a comment and I will do my best to fix it. Even if you are not doing that, please review. I want to know any and all feedback, since feedback is what makes everyone better writers. Now- enjoy!**

Chapter One

They did not know how to take the shock of Emma Swan, the Savior, becoming the Dark One. Killian was the first to react, leaping at the dagger with a violent cry only to have Robin pull him back. And then he was crying, slumped to the ground, beating his fists against the slick black asphalt, the same asphalt Emma's yellow bug slid across when she brought Henry back from Boston three years prior.

Watching his tears fall with the drizzling rain was what broke Snow, who turned to David only to say "we lost her again." David, with all his faux royalty and good heart, could think of nothing to say. Denying it was pointless but accepting it was unfathomable.

It was Regina, though, who stepped up next. Without words she pulled Snow into her arms, her alone understanding the loss of a mother and a child. It is an indescribable loss, one that cannot be communicated with frail words, and so she was silent as she allowed her step-daughter to slowly dissolve in her arms. Decades before she held her when her father passed, but only for the people watching. Now, she knew she would hold this woman if no one was watching because this pain should not be endured alone.

Henry, seeing his mom's arms already full, ran to David. He crushed himself into David's chest and David returned the pressure, each holding the other up while simultaneously longing to disappear. The town had never been as silent as when these men were embracing in their mutual loss.

Snow was the first to break that silence though, because as Regina held her she began to scream. From her lungs sprang wild screams, screams that were angry and sad and broken and terrified because everything she has done, good and bad, over the past three months, had been for the daughter who just absorbed the darkness. Everything had been for naught and the thought, the realization, destroyed her from the inside out. She fainted against her step mother, who caught her with a beam of magic.

"I'll take her home." She assured, making David nod while still being crushed by Henry and crushing him in return. "Take your time." He nodded again because apparently he could no longer speak. With Emma went his voice and now he was mute. He did not mind being mute, he realized, because being mute kept his voice from cracking into a million pieces, which he was afraid would happen should he open his mouth.

The apartment was eerily quiet and between the time they arrived in a cloud of purple magic and when Snow awoke, Regina checked that Neal was still there, suddenly terrified that his sister had kidnapped him in new Dark One rage. But he was there, much to her relief, his blue eyes blinking up at her with such innocent trust that she wondered if he had mistaken her for his mother. Worried that he may cry upon discovering that she was in fact not his mother and wake his actual mother, who obviously required rest, she picked him up, realizing in the process that she had not held him until this moment.

He reminded her of baby Henry, a perfectly sized nose just big enough to plant kisses on and tiny fingers that gripped with an amazing amount of security. Neal squirmed for a moment, adjusting himself because apparently there is a certain way he must be held and her heart broke upon realizing that she would know this if she spent any time with her stepdaughter and her family. But after Robin crossed the town line she avoided them, afraid she would hate Emma for bringing Marian back. Even once Emma forged an alliance she avoided the home when not with Henry or on a mission. Now, in the quiet of terror-struck Storybrooke, she vowed to baby Neal that she would come over. She would be a member of his life, of all of their lives, because she wanted a family, not just with Robin, but with all of them, even the new Dark One.

"Regina?" Snow stirred on the sofa, turning slowly to see the woman whose name she called cradling her youngest. "Oh." The smallest of smiles graced her lips before disappearing. "Do you think he'll remember her?"

"Of course he will." She instilled the highest amount of confidence in her voice, borderline arrogance, almost sounding like the Evil Queen she used to be. "Because we're going to get her back. He won't even question his big sister being the Savior because that's how he'll know her when he's old enough to remember."

"Regina-" the younger woman's voice broke, broke perfectly in half, making the older one put down the baby and rush to her side. "Is this what it felt like? When you lost her?"

There was no outline to 'her' because both women know exactly who she was referring to. Despite the fact that it should be Cora, her most recent female loss, it was not. It was a loss carved into both their memories from decades before, when both were still young and naïve and much more breakable.

 **And that is it for now! I try to end on cliffhangers. Again, please review your thoughts. And don't forget to be checking for the next chapter!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

 _She was standing in front of her mirror perfectly nude when the door opened without warning to reveal Snow. Grabbing a nearby shift the woman covered herself while the girl skipped to the bed behind her stepmother._

" _I didn't mean to disturb you." She spoke as if she were not disturbing her at all. "You can keep dressing."_

' _As if I need your permission to dress' Regina thought crossly before pulling the shift over her head._

" _Will I ever look like you?" Snow questioned, the tone of her voice changing from royally entitled to shyly curious._

" _Since you're not my biological daughter I doubt-"_

" _Not like that." The princess quietly cut off._

 _Regina appraised her with skeptical eyes while the girl dropped her head, suddenly shy. The room echoed only with the pop of the fireplace attempting to warm the autumn air that snuck into her balcony and slithered into her room. Outside the door the guards gossiped lazily with flirtatious maids and though the words themselves could not be heard inside, the sound of voices could be, assuring them that they were not alone. Still Snow did not look up._

" _You mean have breasts? And hips? You want curves, don't you?"_

 _Her pale skin had blushed pink in acknowledgement, but she nodded affirmatively. "I want to look like a woman." It was a confession, a secret desire, Regina could tell by how weighty the words felt when they broke from her stepdaughter's lips._

 _Forcing herself to be tender instead of sarcastic she sat on the edge of the bed and gently pushed Snow's chin up. "All in due time. You're only eleven. I'm nineteen."_

" _But when?"_

" _I imagine you'll start developing quite soon. I started changing around your age." It felt like a personal statement, but she could remember asking her own mother similar questions around the age of ten and being denied, told 'it would happen someday' and nothing more. She wished her mother had shared more with her. No matter how much she despised Snow, she could at least pretend to be the mother Regina had wished she'd had for her._

" _Will I look like you when I'm pregnant?"_

 _Her pregnancy was a new fact, something that made her glow when referenced, and in answering this question she could not feel bitter due to this special buoyancy. "Every woman is different for that. They grow different because they're different bodies. And it depends on the father and the baby too, not just on the mother." Thinking of Leopold as the father was the worst part of the pregnancy, but when she reminded herself that he was too old to really be a part of its life, she relaxed. She would get to raise this baby, not him or a servant, her._

" _Okay." She smiled. "I hope I have lots of children."_

" _One at a time dear." She stood to continue dressing when she felt the pressure. Pressure similar to this was what made her strip in front of the mirror in the first place, searching for a sore spot or bruise. But no, now she was sure that the pressure was coming from her inside. "I need to lie down."_

 _Snow moved over, her small face scrunched in concern as she watched Regina suck down a breath and lower herself to the pillows. Beats of silence followed as they both hoped that everything was alright. The maids had passed, making the halls quiet. Even the fire seemed to decrease in volume as Regina waited, terrified. Another squeeze of pressure tightened around her lower abdomen, right where the baby was growing._

 _She sucked down another breath._ " _I need you to go get a doctor."_

" _Why?"_

" _I think I'm miscarrying. Now go!"_

 _She was indeed losing the one piece of hope that had blossomed over the year trapped in the palace. By the time the royal physician dropped to his knees at the queen's side she was pushing out the half-grown babe with a scream and a sob. He caught it, wrapped it in a blanket Snow had fetched, and placed the blue creature in its mother's arms._

" _A girl, your majesty." It was not a question whether or not she was already gone._

 _They left the room out of respect, so that Regina sobbed in solitude. She named her silently, merely thinking 'Princess Daniella Rose' before pulling a corner of the blanket over the blue face and commanding the two to re-enter. Handing the physician her child, she pushed her face into the pillows to sob. A baby girl, a baby girl she had begged the stars for, had been abused for, had instilled so much hope in, gone, because her body was broken. It must be broken. There was no other reason for the loss._

" _I'm sorry." Snow's voice was quiet and truly apologetic, dripping in the loss that she would not have a sister, would never have that particular sister. The child stroked her stepmother's hair, wondering what it must feel like to lose a child so permanently and completely before even getting to fully appreciate her, until they fell asleep from emotional exhaustion._

 _Snow never mentioned pregnancy or babies or even her own growing body again, too afraid to allude to the terrible event and break the woman she loved so dearly._

"Some. At least you can find her again. At least she's alive." She ducked her head away, reeling in the memory that she had not revisited in so long. "I know you would prefer things another way, but you must always remember that she is alive. There is a possibility of her coming back, even if it's not as destined as when you put her in the wardrobe."


End file.
